ur child wants to play in rain( he has running nose)
ur child wants to play( he still left with loads of homework)
ur child wants icecream( he didnt eat solid food from 2 days)
what would most of u do?
Many would say " NO". might be some exceptional parents who will say carry on.
Imagine yourself wanting to do a particular thing and when you ask ur spouse/parents n they say NO. how would u feel?
The whole enthusiasm goes down.
similarly if a child says to his father" I will be a businessman when i growup" with lots of excitement n enthusiasm, but the father puts him down by saying" how will u be a a businessman? I have not been able to be one till today, i had been a govt servant for yrs. anyway i want u to be a gud doctor"
how will the child feel?
his whole enthusiasm goes down. whole excitement drains away
This results in a loss of the childs self esteem, which is very important for a childs upbringing. The self esteem of the child should be so high that he should feel like that anything is possible in this world.
Hope u all agree till here
The more u say NO to the child, the more selfesteem drops, the more enthusiasm drops, the more love for life drops, the more love for learning drops and the child goes into a shell. Now the child becomes the slave to the parents, listening to whatever they say and thus becomes a so called good and disciplined child, but with no freedom, no expression and no beauty for life.
So the whole attitude of saying "YES" is very important to inculcate in everyone. but it doesnot happen in onc\e reading. Itis ur experience which u apply on ur child, succeeding and failingin some aspects n then again applying and so on.Thus this requires a few yrs of nurturing. let us now know how one can go through and understand the trmendous power of saying YES.
This can be applied not only on ur child, but also on ur spouse
After joining the class .. what i have seen in the camp was mostly were parents who had kids of 2-6 yrs age. this age the kids are naughty n dont listen to us ..they test our patience levels. most of the parenmts admitted that they were NO parents untill the class started. I mean they refuse or say No to their children forseveral things, several times a day. if u ask ur parents around you, you will be amazed to hear nearly everyone admitting that they negate the child every single day or even single hour that they spend with thm.
eg. varun dont tear those newspapers.
varun dont play in dust,
varun dont touch it....,
The enlightened parent is one who always say YES to the child and the YES is a 100% YES. Now the question is how to tell YES to the child for everything?
For eg: If a child is sick and he wants an icecream thn how is it possible to say YES?Well it is POSSIBLE. this is what the art of parenting is about?.The challenge here is even after saying YES to the child, how do u DISCIPLINE him/her?How do u make the child to listen to everything you say? we know that the more we say NO to the child,the more adamant the child becomes to do that particular thing. since we know, that the methodhas failed, we may consider trying This YES parenting method.
The journey from NO to YES parent can be fulfilled in 5 steps:
1) Diversion of attention.
2) Allow the child to experience.
3)Postponing the desire.
4) listening to the child attentively and discussing his desires with him creatively.
5) Handling a tantrum.
Now we will see each step in detail
Diversion of attention
Ur child asked for an icecream, you can divert his attention to something else.
Ok varun we will buy icecream, but tell me is that ur friend in that corner vijay..../ did u say about this poster to me yesterday..../ hey u wanted to eat puri , did u ask ur mom for that...... n so on......................... TO BE CONTINUED...