A first time mom with roots in Andhrapradesh, India, taking baby steps in the huge responsibility called motherhood alongside my baby. Along the way, so many moms have helped me in a lot of ways. Just passing on what I got to learn from them and a little more with a BIG thanks to all those that helped me and are helping currently.
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Yet another excerpt from the previous discussion is on the screen time and Laptop/ipad/computer - Internet time..
Kids as they grow older, they get to know new things from friends and TV ofcourse good/bad what ever . The curiosity which they have since childhood regarding many things remains the same... They want to know what is it...
1) kids should never be allowed to use laptops or desktops in their rooms. They should be in the living rooms right from the beginning.
2) there are many softwares in the market to block those sites and also help with the keyword search.
3) if they are on computers please keep communicating with them all the time making sure they are not diverting and if possible help them by being with them like if they are playing any games be with them encourage them or play with them etc.. If they are studying try to involve yourself with them leaving behind all your work.
This is the excerpt of a discussion pre-teen and teen behavior and I love what this buddy had to say and agree totally with it.
Here it goes..
The bond what we make with our kids during baby time, toddler age , early school age is different......... if we think we had made an awesome bond and it will work for the whole life , we are fooling ourselves.
Pre teen is one more stage where a parent has to establish a new bond with the kid. I personally feel this is a very important stage for a parent and kid relationship. We cannot ignore that at this time the uniqueness of that individual also starts forming ... kids start their own thinking patterns forming their own opinions...parent have to find a way where their and kids thoughts meet or if not meet then disagreeing peacefully ... at this a GAP may appear in terms of thoughts.........if care is not taken the GAP widens and the kids start drifting away mentally.
At this time a parent has to again make a palce in their lives...
Talk talk talk with the kid as much as possible... and pls dont talk as if u r doing a job , a parent shd enjoy tlaking with the kid.. then only they open up..when we give them trust, we get it back too.
Sex is a very important issue...... we cannot simply say '' adi paapam, adi cheeykoodadu ''.. I have always shown sex as a natural thing to my kid.... we talk openely abt sex...he is free to ask me any Questions on the topic... being a parent we hv to give them proper answers which are close to reality and at the same time appropriate for their age. At 11 there is nothing which they shldn't know honestly.. my son knows everything ....
more than sex its the emotional changes which a parent shld not ignore...they experience the first feeling of love... if ur child comes to u and tlak abt his/ her interest then as a parent, you can pat ur back and think that u hv passed a small test in wining a small amount of trust.
The workshops in Lowe's (2 weekend days as per store calender schedule) and Home Depot (first Saturday every month) are definitely the activities that the kid would look forward to this Summer apart from the routine camps and activities... and to say that it is FREE, too good!!
Micheals, Passport to Imagination is also another good program in progress 7 weeks, Monday, Wednesday Friday 10 to 12 a good 2- hour in class engaging kids... !
Back in US, life of Desi parents revolves around the number of activities the kid are into, when, where, what, how and all that... Well, not to say, yours truly has fallen into that trap too.. but here are my 2 cents about the martial arts activities.
A lot of my friends when listen to it say... oh we have our handful already, the kid who hits, pushes, screams, do not want him to get more ideas than he already has, especially from the parents of boy kids and I am really really surprised because martial arts drill discipline, focus, etc. in an individual and it is just not something for self-defense or trophied activity..
The first thing they teach out there is manners, good manners... the courtesy words.
Confidence - Believe in yourself, You can do it.. erasing negativity.
Being bold, raising your voice when needed, precision, confidence to speak up, be punctual, be attentive, yearn for more.
Word of the week, working on how to behave at home, learning about discipline, keeping our things in order, listening to parents, getting it right the first time...
I find it very good, not just the karate moves, the championships, the belts but a complete wholesome well-rounded physical, emotional, and personal development activity much needed for kids today. So, if your only concern is the screaming and running around with punches, just rest it aside and give it a chance.
Been to our cousin's place for a while and there the kid liked it very much, and here is the recipe just in case your kid might too..
Heat oil in a pressure pan.
Add all the whole spices after they splutter add the onions , green chillies , mint fry for 2 minutes.
Add 2 tbsp fresh ginger garlic paste to the onions.
Fry for a minute then add Kheema tomatoes,(cucumber), salt, red chilli powder mix well and pressure cook for 3 whistles on medium flame.
Let the pressure release from the cooker put on flame and then add garam masala put the lid on and cook for minute.
Add coriander leaves. Yummy Kheema curry ready.
Homemade black paste for using on kid's face.. Doctors these days do not recommend using kaajal, kaatuka, etc on infant's faces for the fear of infections. In good old days ammammalu used to make it and keep it ready for the new baby's arrival but now, neither do we know the procedure nor we actually feel the need to. Even in the village I could not get someone to make that bottu for me, so I used to the normal Eyetex kaatuka.. apply a small dot with match-stick and apply powder on it :-p...
Biyyam ni iron mukudu lo nallaga maada petti, daanni fine powder gaa grind cheyyali.
Thin cloth tho fine powder ni separate chesi, malli grind cheyyandi.
Aa powder ni koncham water lo vesi, thick paste la chesi, malli iron mukudu ki vepandi.
Thick paste laaga avutundi.
Transfer it into a cup and let it cool.
Meeru eppudu vaadalante appudu koncham water vesi, bottu ayye varuku aragadeesi, bottu laaga vaadandi. Idi chemicals unna readymade bottulakante chinna pillala skin ki chaala safe.
Dont keep it closed when it is wet, as it might let fungus grow and might lead to infections.
roast sabudana(normal size,not the nylon sago) on a very low flame in an iron kadhai till it turns dark brown.
then,light a matchstick and put it in the sabudana kadha.then once it becomes one mass(in just about a couple of seconds)
pour a little water into it,just enough so that it becomes a thick paste.because the lighted matchstick has been put in,the whole mass will turn coal black, cut sort of dry,so adding water helps to get the mass together.
then,boil till thick and pour into a steel bowl(old one,which you don't use anymore).
let it dry in the sun,it will shrink.
How to use:
put a few drops of water on the surface of the container and rub with your fingers, the black mass will begin to melt.
gather a small size on your finger, and rub it between your fingers to eliminate excess water,then when you gather the mass on your finger,it should be thick and viscous.immediately just put on the baby's forehead.
Once it dries,it turns hard and shiny.It comes off easily too -just rub it with some water when bathing baby.
Deep fry saggubiyyam in an iron skillet until it turns black.
Once it is black, pour a little water and keep stirring it without forming lumps or layers at the bottom on medium flame.
Stir it until the consistency of saggubiyyam is very thick, when all the sago is melted and the paste is thick, add some castor oil to it, few drops.
After it cools off put it in a container.
When applying just take a little bit of water and take it out with finger and apply on face, forehead, cheeks wherever.
It is important to note that when making this there will be lot of fumes so keep the doors and windows open and if in US, the fire alarm off! Courtesy: Indus Ladies
some things moms would like to get from back home with parents visiting for delivery
Baby hair oil
Bed lo veyataniki silver krishnudu
New born traditional Wear
Saadhu bottu (homemade bottu made by some elders)
home made kaatuka (again only few elders remember making it)
Saana (gandham or karakkaaya) aragateeyataaniki
will keep adding as and when something comes up.. and also please feel free to add it up, 'cos it would help others...
Getting us to eat egg yellow must have the toughest task our parents had, well maybe one of the toughest. Realize this 'cos my little one is like that.. she does not like the yellow sticking on to the tongue and hence the white is over and yellow is left to be eaten for 1 hr. if left unattended or maybe even mostly untouched...
Omlette, scrambled egg is an option but when one of my cooks cousins did this... I just loveddddddd it!!
Boil some water in a bowl, after about 3 minutes break the egg empty the contents being careful not to put in any shells, slightly stir with a spoon and let it boil for 3 to 5 minutes... white and non-sticky yellow are ready... ting tong! no more messy egg times!
Sample Diet by a buddy during pregnancy I see a lot of pregnant ladies checking the blog for the kid. While it is very important to take care of the tiny entry into the world, it is all the more important to take care of yourself too... so a few tips from good friends.
Gestational Diabetes is common in most of the pregnant ladies these days. But diet differs from person to person.
Morning - BF- 15 gms carbs and 1oz protein
1 whole wheat bread slice with protein either 1 egg white or 1/2 slice of skim cheese/ or 2-3 pieces of paneer or 2 spoons of dal or 1.5tbsp of peanut butter.
Mid-Morn Snack- 30 gms carbs and 1 oz protein
1/4 cup of milk or 1/4 apple or any other fruit with protein or 3 almonds
Lunch- 45 gms of carbs with 2 oz protein. Rice, oats, raagi jaava, cracked wheat , pulka ilantivi evi naaku help cheyaledu.. Basic rice aithe 4 tbsp'ns of cooked rice with 2 pieces of chiken or paneer or 1/4 cup dal ala thinamani chepparu.. but Pita Bread baaga help chesedi because 1 pita bread lo it has only 8grams of carbs ..so nenu 1 and half pita bread with some chick or dal +vegie.
Mid afternoon snack- Same as mid morning snack
Dinner- Same as Lunch.
Mid Night Snack - 11:30. But 10gms carbs only and protein. So 2 pieces chiken wings thinedani and 1 slice of honey dew or apple.
Urad Dal toti chesina gaarelu or better still aaviri kudumu, made like idly.
You can try alterations of normal rice with basmati rice or rice cooked with a cinnamon stick.
Another sample diet
Morning levagaane 5 soaked almonds and one cup of milk without any sugar (diabetic doctor protein mix edo icchaaru milk lo add cheyataaki).
Breakfast - 2 idly/dosa/puri/bonda or 1 cup broken wheat upma, 11 ki 1 glass of raagi java with buttermilk.
Lunch - rice cooker cup nindaa cooked brown rice with one leafy veg curry and dal/chicken with 1 bowl of curd.
Snack - milk with marie bisc and inko one hr ayaaka any juice (carrot/beetroot/sorakaya with pepper/tomato with pepper).
A major concern for me was how the kid would adapt to the life in US, so different from hers in the village, a language altogether different, people a lot more different and the solitary life out here..
The seemingly most toughest barrier of all... In India, in urban areas, this is surely not a problem but for me a mom raising a kid in rural India with focus on speaking English it is all the more an uphill task. Be it transitioning across the globe or otherwise, one should speak to the kind in all the languages possible... it is proven that the kids can soak in the information much well and can learn about 3 to 5 languages at a time, so emphasizing on mother tongue, one should certainly use others too and not repeat the mistake that I did.
Watching TV, everyone suggested this to me.
Talking to friends, teachers at school.. this way they learn the more and the quickest.
If you are particular about your kid talking in your mother tongue, then make sure that he/she speaks in the language and replies in the language. They will have plenty of places to speak and learn English but your language is best spoken by you, so set that rule straight. watch for the signs like if the kid is understanding what you speak but answering in English, make a conscious effort to get them to talk.
A few friends by experience have told us this and we notice that too, so it is strictly in Telugu at home for the kid and for us as well.. we teach her in English, explain in English at times but it is Telugu that we would like her to speak.
If you are in the states in the middle of year like me, it is going to be a bit tough... private day cares might still be having positions but affordable ones, in a lesser budget, like the church schools, it depends. So figure out the distance, time, the ride/car-pool, payment and all and the best thing is to get the kid to the school, not just to learn or anything but to get used to the way things are, understand the concept of sharing, taking turns, learning pleasant manners and most importantly for the kid to be happy.
New Potty Habits
One more thing that was of concern to me is that the kid was new to the concept of wiping herself clean, washing her hands everything on her own, which is expected to be since she was already 3 and turning 4 shortly. Being from India, it was always water for the bum, cleaning hands and feet afterwards but like everything else, the kids adapt faster to everything and touchwood, get going much faster than we adults.
Play Pattern With Other Kids
Being from the village, pampered to the core by everyone around her, the kid had a tough time sharing the toys, adjusting to the new kids with a different language (Tinglish) and she used to get cranky but once in school, things are a lot more easier. I have learnt hard way that being aggressive in teaching them to be well mannered turns out counter-productive if we over do it, just go with the flow, make them understand with patience, introduce time-outs, cry-it-out-alone sessions, maybe but only to moderation.
I am still learning a lot of things from her, will put in more as and when time permits.
One very major belief of moms is the nara-dishti, buri nazar, etc.. I guess it is kind of an integral part of our growing up years and continues to the time, we have our parents around.. yes, my mom thinks I might be affected even now, forget my daughter ;).. so..
Oorlo aite inti chaakali untaaru kaabatti, chaakali cheyyi chalava ani nammutaamu memu, kaabatti dishti tanatote teeyinche daanini, peru Rukminamma.. aka.. rukku maamma (for the kid).. Guruvaaram, Aadivaaram saayantram (Thursday and Sunday evenings) teesedi tanu ekkuvagaa..kidni toorpu vaipu koochopetti/nunchopetti (east facing).
***Roju vaari dishti kallu uppu (rock salt) chetilo teesukuni, irugu dishti, porugu dishti, oorlo vaalla dishti, kanna talli dishti, ani anni perlu cheppi... pillatoti "thu-thu-thu" ani moodu saarlu ooyinchi... nootilono, totti neellalono aa uppuni veseseyyadam.. if not possible, throwing that in a bowl of water and pouring it in the sink.
***Annam sarigga tinakapote annam muddala dishti Nindukunda lo modata vandina annam muddalu 3 (I used to cook rice in the cooker, so take 3 morsels and keep them aside), nindu kunda neellu (idi kudirite okay, ledante just tap tippesi neellu patti avi vaadatame), 3 rakaala poolu, pasupu, kumkuma, boggu masi (to color rice black), and some hair (preferably mom's).. annam moodu muddalu pisiki pasupu, kumkuma, boggu kalipi pettukuni, oka chembulo neellu posukuni, pasupu, kumkuma, poolu, juttu vesi.. pillani oka chota toorpu vaipu koorchopetti, tana meedagaa 3 saarlu tippestaaru... annam muddalu kooda dishti laaga tippi, neella chembulo padesi... venakki tirigi choodakundaa, velli naalugu roadla koodalilo or oka moola padestaaru... (since I was against throwing anything on the road, akkada vere vaalla biddalu kooda tirugutaaru anedi logic :), I used to throw the dishti stuff in the murugu kaalava near my house... if not possible, we can throw it in the trash and throw in the compactor later, but do not keep it in the house).
We can also replace annam muddalu with nimmakaaya chekkalu, rub pasupu, kumkum, boggu on them and do the needful.. Rukminamma used to alter them both, oka saari nimmakaaya, okasaari annam muddalu.
***Noone Gudda/Vatthi Dishti
Vere oorlu alaa velli vacchinappudu, edaina function kellocchinappudu or kid baaga cranky aipoyinappudu ee dishti teesedi tanu... nuvvula noone, kobbari noone, manchi noone, aamudam ivanni kalipi oka ginnelo posi, tellani cloth niluvugaa chinna peelika laaga chimpi... like a long thin ribbon aa noonelo oka ganta mundu naanabettedi, 2.. taravata pillani toorpu tippu koorchopetti candle toti aa guddani kaalchi, pilla chuttu tippi, oka chota ravvalu raalanicchedi (light that cloth and hold it so that it drips and falls along with oil and fire)... atlamullu, atlakaada ki velaadesi pattukunedi cheyyi kaalakundaa.. and then doing it with the second thread... chukkalu chukkalu raalite dishti ani.. poga maatram vaste ghosha ani cheppedi :).
***Erra Neella Dishti
Take water, pasupu, rin soap (detergent liquid, powder), hair strands, nail, lemon
Adding water to all this makes it red... toorpu vaipu pillani nilabetti 3 times clock wise and 3 times anti-clock wise tippi lastlo oka drop pilla forehead meeda petti, aa neellani paaraboyyandi, paarabosaaka venakki tirigi choododdu.
*** 1)kalla uppu+endu mirapakaya kalipi left hand lo pettukuni 3times teesi moodu sarlu spit chesi bayata padeseyali.
2)Guddu dishti - Raw egg teesukuni alaney 3times tippi 4 paths undey road madhyalo padeyali antaru ala possible kanappu dustbin lo padeyochu
3) Cheppu dishti oka prastutam vaadutunna cheppu teesukuni kuda disti teesi mancham kinda pedtharu. 4) Manta Dishti - oka old cloth teesukuni daniki manta petti 3times disti teesi oka tambulam lo water posi ee disti teesina cloth petti oka pedda bowl daani meeda borlistharu.
5) vibhudhi Dishti - vibuthi face ki bottula petti coins tho disti thippi aa coins ni chaakali vallaku ichestharu
***Pasupu Neella Dishti
oka half bowl water lo pasupu vesi koncham mariginchali...aa neelanu teppesi oka plate lo alane aa water tho saha bowl ni borlinchi petteyali...kasepatiki water antha bowl kindaki vellipothundi. Cheepuru Dishti
Vaakili oodche cheepiri tippesi padukunetappudu pilla tala vaipu mancham kinda padeyyadam, just like cheppu.
Even mana hair tho kuda teesthaaru, 3 saarlu tippadam... mana hair loose chesey like free hair la chesi 3 times thipestharu nights nidra lo lechi edisthey ila cheyachu tharuvatha hair mamuluga jada vesukovatamey. Aavaalu Dishti
yendu mirapakayalu and salt and aavalu kalipi disti teesi nenu toilet lo vesi flush chesthanu endhukantey disti intlo vunda kudadhu ani antaru. Egg Dishti
Egg kuda sundays teesthanu and sink lo vesi dispinser on chesesthanu
Sunnam kanuka vuntey sunnma and pasupu kalipi yerra neelu la chesi oka glass lo water kalipi disti teesi bayata or chetlalo veyandi..
***Dishti teeyatam aiyyaaka pillala kaallu and chethulu kudirithey
kadagandi or thudavandi and meeru kuda me face legs and hands kuda
Nela Debba Tagilinappudu, Kinda Padipoyinappudu
Pillalu eppudaina padithe kuda disthi teestaru..like vallu padithe aa place lo nilchopetti oka mug lo water teesukuni, tippesi, paraboyyali..
Kanna talli dishti gadapa daatadu ani maa amma eppudu cheptoo untundi.. maa ammamma kooda ade cheppedi, biddani alaa kanti nindaa choosukoku, murisipoku ani... okkosaari adi nijamenemo anipistoo untundi naaku... choosukotam, murisipotam maanaledu kaani, paiki anadam maanesaanu :).
edo naradishti, ghosha, nijamgaa untundaa, nuvvu kooda nammutaava ante... I dont really know, marenduku chestaavu, enduku nammutaavu ante... indulo inkokariki nashtam ledu.. so tappenti ani maatram cheptaanu.. For those who wanted it explained in English, sorry I am too tied up to translate the entire thing but there is another link where you can find a few more options... HERE... FOR ASK AMMA IN ENGLISH
I have already posted a few experiences from mothers who had been there and done that but my personal experience goes here :).
We had traveled in BA flight and those guys have provided us with some crayons, a carry bag, a coloring/activity book for the kid, she being the toddler, I guess they have age-wise kiddy stuff, so it helps a lot, because it is something new, the kid had never used before, it was a gift to her, so she made it a point to use it and she had a cute little backpack to carry them all...
I did not personally carry any food, water or milk as she was 3-1/2 when she traveled and ate pretty much what we did, a bit less spicy. make sure to order Indian vegetarian meals or kid meals in such case. Got some fruity chews for the time of take offs and landing with the altitude drops and rises, told her to make sure she chews or gulps during that time and thankfully the kid did so.
walking around, playing with other kids, the rest room use, sleeping, eating, watching tv, playing with crayons pretty much made up for the in-air time and a big relief.
Carry a stroller which comes in very handy during the transit, waiting period and also to carry the hand bags, jackets, sweaters, carry-ons whatever if the kid just feels like walking or just carrying the kid around if she is sleepy than carry her physically.
Flash cards/activity books/empty book/pen/pencil/crayons
easy to carry flash cards and activity books keep them engaged.. or anything that keeps them engaged in general.
A couple of change of dressing options, just in case of delays in transit or things like that.
Fruits/nuts/snack bars if allowed during the transit if you feel the kid might be cranky due to hunger in between flights and depending on the season and climate on arrival at the place of destination, some cold or warm clothing, like when coming from India in November, it was reasonably okay there but back in US, it was cold, so some warm blanket/hoodie jacket, socks and shoes. Thick shoes are the best option to keep them warm and also run around, slippers with them slipping easily, I personally find are messy :(.
The kid had been wonderful like she always is (touch wood), so did not feel the strain of the journey as much.. thanks a lot buddies who shared a lot more info earlier, it helped!
After a lot of thinking over and planning, we are back to US for a while and we continue to take our first steps.. I see a lot of friends, uses appreciating the work and actually making use of this blog and thanks for all those precious mails that you keep sending me once in a while. I just cherish them and feel rewarded for putting them up here, my experiences, that is... feel free to share more and contribute.